Michael Owen, the brand

As he looks for a new club, Newcastle striker Michael Owen is being touted to potential suitors using a 32-page brochure listing all the qualities of Brand Owen

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‘The Athlete; the Ambassador; the Icon”. As he looks for a new club, Newcastle striker Michael Owen is being touted to potential suitors using a 32-page brochure listing all the qualities of Brand Owen

The brochure, which looks as though it may have been thrown together with an old copy of PageMaker at his agent’s office, runs through Owen’s career to date, goalscoring record and press cuttings, but it’s this page that we found particularly interesting – his Brand Values.

Owen’s Brand Values, we are told, are that he is Clean & Fresh (is this a footballer or a lavatory cleaner they are selling?), Young (he’s 29, maybe that should be ‘a bit younger than you thought’), Articulate (hmmmm) and, bizarrely, Technical.

He is also Global, Cool (really?) and First Class.

There follows a run of pages seeking to reassure potential buyers that he really isn’t injured all the time

And that, despite what Newcastle fans may have thought, he has “unquenched desire” for success.

And in summary…

For anyone who remembers him doing this, it’s all very sad and not a little tawdry.

The Daily Mail has all the pages here. Thanks to Asbury & Asbury for the link.

  • Tim

    Oh dear! Few too many exclamation marks!! He’s not shit these days really!!! etc.

  • The latest news is that Hull City are making an offer. Possibly not one for the Design Effectiveness Awards.

  • mike

    He is almost as bad a buy for a club as the design of this ‘brochure’ is, it looks like a ten year old cobbled it together with p.v.a. glue. Shameful

  • The fact that this document was conceived and actually exists is evidence itself that not only do the media think that Michael Owen the footballer is finished, but his promoters seem to believe it as well. Talking of finished, the career of John Green BSc Hons MCSP, HPC should also be coming to an end any day now after his insightful medical diagnosis of ‘a nonsense’. I wish him luck but surely this was a mistake?

  • Designed on PowerPoint. The only platform less stable than Micheal Owens feet.

  • Raffesia Pong

    OK, he’s Clean and Fresh, but Is he Smelly? Research trends this year are skewing towards Smelly.

  • Oh… how daft. Advertised in a manner of cheap detergent…

  • Surely, just ultimately degrading. terrible

  • Did the person that designed this also design the New away kit?

    He looks like he is modeling for Next (clearance) in the first two images. Maybe they will pay his massively inflated wages next season?

  • It a great shame for who once was Englands great footballing prospect. As a kid, the Argentina goal prompted me to go for ‘Owen 20’ on my England shirt, only to spend a few hours peeling it off a few years later.

    At least he’s still got his horses :-)

  • Gavin Burton

    Do Owen’s agents think a club is going to go on what a glossy brochure says, I always thought a footballers achievements go on what they do on the pitch! In Owen’s case not a lot in the last few years.

  • mikie

    This really is rubbish, poorly designed crude cut outs, and printed out by what looks like a photocopier. Poor guy in his Butons suit!

  • I would love to see play for my team Brighton & Hove Albion sometime soon….

  • the design is a perfect expression of his dazzling personality
    it’s very good

  • peaky

    To ‘advertise’ a multimillionpound asset with this level of amateurishness is truly terrible, whoever “produced” this should be fired and then thrown in the Tyne.

    Utter rubbish, a bit like Ashleys management of a great football club with frankly amazing fans. Sadly this is all too common in the sports industry as we have experienced sportswear ‘marketing managers’ who genuinely didnt know about design or branding and couldn’t understand why they should spend money on it, or why they couldnt “design it themselves”. No really.

  • Nik Jones

    Toilet cleaner…..toilet roll more like it…..’soft, not strong and doesn’t last very long’!

    It is disappointing to see that someone like Michael Owen has not got the b*lls to stand up and give the Newcastle fans, manager etc another season at St Jame’s Park. Owen is a has been and a never was at Newcastle!! Good riddance! (with any luck!!!!)

    Andrex are looking for a new face for their advertising……………..!

  • ian Anderson

    the smoker you drink – the player you get

  • rob@zoomedia

    Is ‘Good Looking’ a brand value?

  • Smoggy

    apparently his brand values include being “Articulate”… have you heard him being interviewed? The guy is monosyllabic…

    that fact that I am a Middlesbrough FC supporter should not be seen as biased…. best laugh I have had all day…

  • George Barton

    That brochure has been ridiculed by every person in the media who has got their hands on it and rightfully so. The brand values page is simply ridiculous. Wasserman may say he has those values but so would any agency flogging a footballer. If there was actually a real person like that, I would either marry them or punch them in the face for being too perfect. The major difference with Michael Owen to about 99% of the players out there is that he has always delivered when he has played. Why do they need to bamboozle clubs with 32 pages of made up guff, when simply a one pager titled Michael Owen and his goalscoring record would have done? If clubs want to take the risk on him with his record of injuries, it’s up to them, they all know his history and he’s on a free transfer after all. This brochure makes a mockery of Michael Owen and seeing as Wasserman have Shevchenko on their books, I’d like to see what his brochure looks like. Still, a damn fine Friday afternoon read.

  • Alex Weston

    Clean & Fresh? … Thats good a value to have!

  • The brochure may show his qualities, but is it really a good piece of design? Im a Newcastle fan myself, and disappointed by his brochure, it could be so much better, I still rate him, he can score goals, but he can’t sell himself very well. Its almost as bad as the so called stars that go on reality TV trash. The brochure looks like something you’d find in a bargain bin at a cheap store.

  • Mark Lloyd

    This is the sort of marketing bull**** that the board at my club, QPR would love and we can easily afford him.
    Not sure if the new manager or ‘gaffer’ as we like to call him down in W12 would understand get the bit about brand values though!

  • John Burton

    This offends every sense I have. This is just utter nonsense. “First class”? There’s an expletive missing from the end of that statement. I am struggling to believe this is actually for real.

    Don’t even get me started on the design.

  • I haven’t read all of the comments but has anyone noticed all of the widows in the type. Bit of a sad thing to notice but can’t help it – see it on menus all of the time (anyone else..no??). They need to take a look at their typesetting!

  • This poor fellow seems like a brand of bad taste and inept marketing. You better ship him over here to the States.

  • david

    e-bay would be more productive – at least it would generate some real interest

  • snob

    well i’m missing a comprehensive swat analysis.
    on the other hand at least the thought a little bit about their players features. and its product marketing so a powerpoint presentation is even an honest apporach to the buiness.especially for a player who hasnt played a lot (of good games recently) and for potential buyers who cast their new players just by watching football on tv (mr perez seems to do exactly that).

  • I remembered this upon hearing the news of Owen’s new contract and came back to see if anyone was talking about it again; was it because of this or despite this I wonder? Whatever, he’s had quite the result hasn’t he?